Posts Tagged ‘family’

The Reverse Hit-n-Run

February 21, 2011

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Here’s a funny little interaction between a father and son:

Dad: Didn’t you promise to behave while I was gone?

Son: Yes, Sir.

Dad: And didn’t I promise to discipline you if you didn’t?

Son: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don’t expect you to 
keep yours.

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DadPad Quotes & Notes: The “One” Thing

March 15, 2010

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” -David O. McKay

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You’ve probably heard this quote.  As a full time missionary on the staff of FamilyLife, it’s one that is at the heart of our ministry.  Based on all the statistics I’ve seen regarding the state of marriage in our country, I think it’s also at the heart of our culture.  If more father’s loved their children’s mother, the family would be the fertile growing grounds for children as God had intended.

Recently a young man with whom I got to know via Twitter and have continued to communicate via Facebook and email asked me about the many comments I make about my beautiful wife.  His question was, “what are the top 3 things u think are the reasons for a strong marriage?”  Now, let me preface this by saying I am not the greatest husband.  I have a lot of foibles, warts and have done some pretty insensitive and hurtful things to my bride during our nearly 25 years of marriage.  My biggest success has been not giving up on getting better.  Additionally, after 5 years of working for a marriage ministry, I’ve seen my share of shattered marriages.  And, unfortunately, I’ve experienced divorce through close family members and seen the pain that it creates.  There are many things that contribute to a husband and wife having a vibrant marriage.  But these were the things I shared with my online friend:

The top three things that I believe are critical to a long lasting and vibrant marriage:

1) Shared belief in Christianity – I know that there are plenty of “non Christian” marriages. But, since God created marriage (see Genesis), I believe that unless both husband and wife ground their relationship in a transcendent cause, selfishness ultimately abounds and divorce becomes too convenient. It’s important for both a husband and wife to keep growing in their relationship with God–not to be perfect but striving together. “Two shall become one”

2) Take Divorce out of the equation at the very beginning. My wife and I said right at the start that divorce was never an option. Therefore, we might kill each other but we wouldn’t divorce each other. It also means that when things have gotten tough, we knew we needed to figure out how to work it out TOGETHER.

3) Unconditional love. For too much of our marriage we tried the 50/50 relationship. It doesn’t work. You can never arrive at what that looks like because, in our selfishness, we always think we are carrying more than the 50% and our spouse thinks the same for them. It only works when you give your love without conditions (on how they act, what they do for you, etc) that true love can be exhibited between a husband and a wife. When you give yourself to someone without EXPECTING anything in return, you will eventually get back much more.

Well, there are many more things that go into a marriage to make it work (like learning how to deal with conflict in a positive way, discussing key issues about life before you get married (like how many children you’re going to have, is the wife going to work after having children, etc), financial concurrence, how to deal with children’s issues/discipline, etc…. the list goes on. But, without the three things I mentioned, it is very difficult to bring two very different people together and expect them to “make it work”. Especially in a very divorce centered culture.

For Discussion:  What has happened in your families / marriage (good or bad) that supports the quote above?  Other points that I didn’t make to the young man that you would have made?  Share your insights.

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10 Tips on May 10 for Affirming Your Kids Mom

May 9, 2009

Ok, guys.  Let’s face it.  Most of us could use a toe-hold or two when it comes to doling out affirmations.  So, the DadPad authors compiled a list of tips, borne largely from trial and error, that can make this Mother’s day a memorable one for your kid’s mom. (more…)

Timing (and place) Is Everything

March 30, 2009

I picked my daughter, Amy, up from school one day last week and stopped off at Chick-fil-a. We were both hungry, but I also had a couple issues I wanted to discuss.

She was a little surprised by my questions, but our discussion went very well. As we were wrapping up, she asked me if our talk was the reason we’d stopped for something to eat. I said it was and thanked her for not being defensive. (more…)

Grace and More Grace

March 23, 2009

I received an email from a friend today. She was telling me about some of difficulties she and her co-workers were going through. Layoffs. Illnesses. Car accidents. Deaths.

I was reminded once again that everyone is going through something difficult. Sure, the degree of difficulty is different, but difficulty is also relative, isn’t it? (more…)

In the Blink of an Eye & A Break of the Heart

March 14, 2009

There is at least one thing that is universal among the member of UPA, universal parenting association–no one anticipates or wants to think about losing a child to death.  Yet, it happens more often than any of us want to think about.

Late in the evening a couple of days ago, a 17yr old daughter of friends of ours was killed in a car accident. (see my story on my blog at http://abramovitz.wordpress.com)

SOUND OFF:  If you’ve lost a child to an accident or illness, would you share some of the things that helped get you through it and how you continue to deal with it today?

Playing to Your Strengths

February 27, 2009

scan00202I played quarterback in high school. Our best pass play was a draw if that gives you any indication as to what kind of a passer I was. Unfortunately, I never really learned to throw well until after I graduated.

I was good at managing the game though. I focused on the basics, made few mistakes and carried out my assignments. After one particular game, I was given the award for outstanding offensive player of the game and I don’t remember throwing a single pass. I was just good at playing to my strengths.

When it comes to being a dad, there are some things I’m good at and others, like being able to throw deep, I’m not so good at, so I’ve chosen to play to my strengths. For example, (more…)

The Greatest Words I Never Heard

February 25, 2009

Reba McEntire, before she began her sitcom acting career, sang some of the saddest and most touching ballads of loneliness and longing. She has that evocative catch in her voice, and she tells picturesque, but believable stories in these sad songs. But, none of them has stayed with me like this one, which expresses a child’s desire for a father’s love and attention:

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Father, forgive them!

January 19, 2009

I had lunch this week with Dave, a friend of mine and father of three adult children.  The topic of this blog came up so I asked, “What’s the greatest lesson you’ve learned as a dad?”  Dave’s answer was profoundly succinct, “Expect less, love more.”

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